No easy way to get back to writing. I had made a mental note to look up Scott Walker's words (at the time of Tilt or The Drift?) of wanting no separation between music and his life, thinking, that's it, that's the beginning of something. ('Is there an element of putting on the work clothes when it's time to record, then?' - 'I'm trying to get rid of that. I'm try to reach a state of neutrality where I'm living my work, existing within it and for it. I'm trying not to make a separation between the two.') What would I have said? No separation between writing and life. The two absolutely equivalent. To write, to live, and both at once.
And another note, this time from Balthus: 'I wanted to paint a dreaming young girl and what passes through her, not the dream itself. The passing therefore, not the dream'. To write about the passing of writing itself, not of what might be written, that's what I would have said. Beginning from the living room, here, the new printer to be used for printing wedding invitations, the dresser, the antique brass lamp brought back from Lisbon. Beginning only to have said it was writing of which I wanted to write - the passing of writing over these and other objects, touching them without disturbing them. Writing as it stays with them, these objects, when I am away.
Then a scribbled note to myself on an old notebook: difficulty of reaching a blank page. Even reaching it. What did I mean? That to bring oneself to the edge of a beginning is already a great deal. That it's enough to mark that beginning, to write to say - nothing in particular. And finally, a thought last night: the impossibility of writing a diary. Of allowing one voice to still itself and speak, usurping all the others. To speak from one voice - it's not enough. The beginning is at the brink of all voices, of any possible voice. And just because it is at that brink, the voice of writing, of writing writing itself, as it allows those voices. Stay close, then, to the possibility of a voice, of writing, where anything you might say will be arbitrary.