How are your wedding plans?, W. asks me, and I tell him just fine. W. said he'd feel intimidated if he were me about my wedding. How will you keep yourself under control? How will you stop yourself going on about monkey butlers and blowholes like you usually do? How will you prevent yourself from telling everyone you have the head of a baby?
I tell him that as an oldest child I have a very developed superego. You're pure id! says W., who often says this. I give him permission to behave badly, he says. No, I tell him, I secretly desire control and tradition. Ah your spurious psychoanalysis, says W. It's like your spurious sociobiology. Anything that will give you an excuse for your behaviour.
W., for his part, is tortured by his behaviour. How can I be a better person?, is his constant question. It torments him. It's what comes of being a Catholic Jew, he says. His father's side were Jews who converted. His mother's side were Catholics. He's full of guilt, says W. He's in constant torment. I'm the opposite, however. I never feel any guilt, do I? I tell him the concept is foreign to me as a Hindu.
W. says my entire worldview is organised so that I never have to take responsibility for anything, even my supposed Hinduism. He looks pleased with himself, he's discovered something. You never have to take responsibility for anything, do you? I laugh and tell him that's what everyone says, but that in fact I'm very responsible. Not when you go on about blowholes and looking like a baby, says W.